That feeling of frustration when your child doesn’t listen to you. Ever wondered why?
I have to repeat myself ten times before he does what I have asked him to do.
The way he answers me when I say his name is like as if he is fed up of me especially as he’s rolling his eyes at the same time.
I feel stressed and tense because I want him to take his cups, glasses, bowls, plates and cutlery down to the kitchen so I can fill up the dishwasher.
‘I need to put the dishwasher on, can you bring your stuff down please?’ I even said please.
‘Yes, in a minute’ oh that tone of voice! Not forgetting the eye roll.
‘No now’ I shout.
Here’s the thing, I look back and listen to myself - do I NEED to put the dishwasher on? Does it HAVE to go on right now? What’s the big deal if I don’t? So what? I'll just do it later. It’s not the end of the world. There’s no rule, I NEED to learn to relax more.
I know why he was rolling his eyes...because in his eyes, does it really matter? I will take everything back down but I just forgot about it. It doesn’t bother me that it's there, it's not in my way, it’ll get done. Mum doesn’t have to put the dishwasher on, I can do it too but she chooses to do it at a specific time. I’d rather her remind me - like when she just walks in my room and looks around and asks ‘are you doing some kind of science experiment?’ That is much better than telling me to do it straight away because I realise that somehow, the milk from my cereal from the weekend has turned into cream. Or the remains of the glass of orange juice that's turned into mold. We can both laugh about it instead. Then I get the point and will do it.
It's our expectations that get us more stressed. Who cares what time I put the dishwasher on anyway?Just like, who cares if we spill coffee on the table – we can easily clean it up (that’s what cloths and wipes are for).
Who cares if there’s glitter everywhere (that’s what hoovers are for) after a fun crafting session with the kids? At least they had fun and we created precious memories with artwork to show for it.
Who cares if they go to bed a little later than usual? They stayed up for a reason, they enjoy the quality time spent together at that time of night where they can snuggle up to loved ones or do what they love and makes them happy. If they are tired, they will sleep.
I remember I used to rush boys off to bed so I can have ‘me time’ until I realised they need their time too. Bedtimes were so much calmer.
Another thing, when we often tell our children to ‘stop doing this’ ‘don’t do that’ ‘get off your phone’ imagine if they were to tell us the same thing.....Works both ways, not a nice feeling.
If only us parents can let children lead, we can be happier. Afterall, all we want is for them to be happy. Will they be happy being dragged around the shops? Will they appreciate us driving for hours to a different park? I remember when my boys used to say ‘do we have to go? Why can’t we just play football in the garden?’ That used to annoy me until I decided that its true, why can’t they just pay football in the garden? That’s their happy place and how lucky are we to even have a garden. Why are we not making use of it?
In fact, summer days and evenings spent with our garden open to our lovely neighbor's children were the best. Every day, children were excited to see whose garden to go in depending on who was around. It just goes to show that the simple things in life really make the most meaningful memories.
When we let go of doing all the time and just be – everything changes. We are human beings not human doings (love that quote) right?
As an international Kids Life Coach, coaching children unconditionally, with my upbeat, upliftment in an unconventional way is what makes them feel empowered to be the best they can be. When a 16 year old boy from South Africa said to me ‘Its nice having someone I can trust who listens to everything I say. I now listen to myself in making decisions. I am opening up more’ it made me think, I just listened and heard you without expectations.
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