Since the lockdown, 1 in 6 children aged 5-16 are identified as having a probable mental disorder (Mental Health of Children and Young People in England, 2020), increasing from one in nine in 2017, yet, 70% of children and a young people who experience mental health conditions have not had appropriate interventions at a sufficiently early age.
A BBC article on 2 February reported: Children are a lost tribe in the pandemic, ‘We’re getting self-harming 10 year olds in A & E’.
I feel strongly about children and young people’s mental well-being and am all about prevention. Since the pandemic with remote learning and the increase in screen time and a change in routine children are in need of a self-esteem and confidence boost. Here are just a couple of questions I get asked often......
Does a lack of confidence or too much confidence lead to self-harm?
A child who comes across as confident and a child who lacks confidence can equally feel low enough to want to self-harm.
It’s easy to assume that children who lack confidence may consider self-harming but, those who come across as confident:
May lack self esteem and are not really feeling good about themselves. So, will use confidence as a mask to hide their insecurities
May have high expectations of themselves which means pretending to be good at something that they are not.
Are often not happy with themselves
May be more likely to use social media to bully others
Those that lack confidence may consider self- harming because:
They feel nobody cares about them even if they shared their feelings
They are too scared to ask for help – tend to manage things on their own
May feel isolated as they are so different
Blame themselves for their failures
They might be bullied or feel lonely
Find it difficult to live up to other people’s expectations
How Can Parents and Carers Make Children Feel Better About Themselves?
Children often take cues from adults around them - so, if adults are calm and reassuring, they will feel calm and reassured.
Children, like adults, want to be heard; they want someone to listen to their opinions, their thoughts and feelings and to be noticed for all the little things they do, for example, ’I noticed you got up before your alarm clock and got ready so quickly’ or ‘ thank you for putting your laundry into the basket’ this will make them feel responsible without you saying so.
The language we use is so important. Just rephrasing our words make such a big difference to their feelings.
Life is full of ups and down, let them know that asking for help is a sign of strength and confidence. Everything in life is a lesson, a lesson may not be what we learn from a situation but also, how we respond to it.
Communication is key, making time for conversations such as: ‘how did that make you feel?’; ‘how can things be done differently to make it better next time?’ or ‘I love the way you......’. Being open to listen to their thoughts and feelings, will help encourage them to speak out.
Give them some responsibility – show them they can be trusted and make them independent :
empty dishwasher / do washing up
wash the car
take the recycling out
make their bed
cook a meal
make their packed lunch
Show Interest and get involved in what they are interested in. Try new things together.
Set goals and help them take baby steps to achieve them to show you care and want to help and support them.
Although there are no quick fixes when it comes to mental health, these simple habits, actions and conversations can in the short term, help children and young people through these tough times they are experiencing right now.
Dr Karen Street said something so true, ‘it’s better not to jolly around teenagers and pretending everything is just fine, they don’t want to be brushed under the carpet’ and ‘teens have their own thoughts and feelings and that’s when you have to really listen to what they have to say’. This can also be said for children, it’s better to tell them as much as they will understand before they hear it from someone else.
.......It’s OK to not be OK.
There is help out there. I remember when I knew I needed help with my 9 year old son who lacked confidence and was getting angry with himself. I didn’t know what help was available, I was too proud to ask for help until I had a conversation with a dear friend about the transformation in her daughter after seeing a kids life coach. I reached out to the same life coach for my son and am so glad I was that pro-active parent that did - to get me to where my son and I are today.
I help parents who (like me) have tried many different strategies to boost their children’s confidence, I act as a cheerleader with upbeat, unconditional, unconventional upliftment to educate, motivate and inspire children to be confident leaders of their own life by giving them tangible tools to make choices in life easier. I do this by using the language of childhood – PLAY!
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